Strange Times

• Husband laid off though he has lots of leads
• Godmom very sick - unlikely she'll live past this month
• Won't be able to attend funeral due to cost -- how bad is that?
  

Not sure what to make of this month. G is ready to lose a tooth. There's the fun stuff.

Messy People

I think it's fair to say that I love messy people. Not that it's nice when things are TOO messy, but I find some comfort in stacks of books or a stack or two of mail. I find very neat people very UNsettling. It's not just that neat, neat people are so judgy. They are incredibly uptight. I would bet a fair portion of my paycheck that neat, neat people do not just roll with things. Everything has to be just so. And neat, neat people make incredibly annoying roommates. And no matter what it is, romantically, I tend to find the neat people. Such a disappointment. Maybe one day I will get my act together and be a neater person [but why]...the emptiness. Of course, there's quite a bit to be said for balance. But balance doesn't mean neat. Balance, really, is a little of both: a little messy...the splayed magazines, a few of the kids' toys, a woman's mussed up do. Messy people are realists who use their time constructively. Neat people, eh. Famous messy person [though she had maids], Anais Nin.

Long live blue crabs

Blue crabs, my MD blue crabs have had a rough time of late. As a kid, I remember you could see the trucks parked off 210, the white boxy trucks like UPS uses, that had bushels of crabs. Tons of crabs for us to eat. Sometimes, the seller would have a steamer right off to the side of the truck, steaming the crabs fresh for us. My mom would buy the live crabs, we'd bring them home and I'd bring my friends over to watch the crabs bubble, bubble and do their little side-dance.

We'd watch them, and name them and occasionally spit [because kids can be stupid] at them but we did like those crabs. Off into the pot they would go, fighting and clawing the whole way. Being boiled alive can't be much fun but the crabs made a tasty meal, a delicious meal and at least they were well appreciated. I'd like to believe that counted for something. And now, the crabs are less plentiful, they come ashore to breathe, when they get desperate and they resort to cannibalism. Not a fun time, at all, for my MD crabs, the cannibalism.

resolutions, maybe, no...

Resolutions, I could have a few of those, maybe, really, nooo. In theory, I like the thought of a clean slate, starting over. It's refreshing, exhilirating, like the 10 minutes or so that you feel good trying something new before you realize you've just found a new way to lie to yourself. Because do you really want to run a marathon again? Lose 10 lbs? Discipline your shopping? No, yes, no. Resolutions: good theory...execution needs work.

I guess my primary resolution would be more time to myself. I swore that I would always, always make time for myself, ha ha! This year alone, I've neglected my friends, my weight is now centered in mah big belly since I no longer have a regular routine and I'm at a total and complete loss to define myself outside of work. Thank God for work or I'd have just the boys to point to, accomplishment-wise. Not the best feeling in the world. The boys are wonderful but I need to fulfill myself, see my friends, just be me. Frikkin' aye...

Jack, still taking years off my life, but I still love you. A, you drive me crazy but you give as good as you get and I'm grateful to be your wife [bet you didn't think you'd see that in writing!] G, you're a good boy and I love you, baby bear.

I've christened myself lady with big belly 'til I start losing weight. Otherwise, I'll rename myself Herman, wear stretch pants and flip flops and move to the sea shore. Just seems like the thing to do. Resolutions, ha!

See ya 2008

I know, it's premature to say goodbye to 2008 but I'm ready. It wasn't the worst year but it wasn't one of my favorites. On the up side, Obama was elected and that's a serious up. On the down side, my favorite uncle passed away, the credit crunch has decimated my 401K and baby Jack and my ulcer have played havoc with my 37-year old -38? bad memory!-self.

Lessons to take away from this year: I've never been more aware that control is an illusion. Time management? Sure, assuming Jack and G cooperate: clean diaper, toddler food, does G have his stuff together? How do larger families survive, holy cow!

My dad is relishing the fact that I will be living in a house of men. No worries. He couldn't have had it that bad living with 2 girls and my mom, right? Boys, I can handle, thus far. But I do wish the house was warmer. 72 degrees is too cold! Gimme 74 baby!

2009, we'll still have the credit crunch recovery. But hopefully, the stock market will be steadier. I'll have paid down my debt. Not paid it off mind you but paid it down. And ideally, I can start building for the future again. Hopefully.

2008, the equivalent of stepping in water while you're wearing socks. Not pleasant but not fatal. 2009, may you be much better!

outofsorts

outofsorts and it's almost week's end; outofsorts and I don't want to start a new week again...outofsorts and my mis-match laundry socks matches the way I feel. outofsorts and I want, I want, I want.

Obama rocks!

What more can be said? How cool can it be, finally having a President that represents what the U.S. should be? A thoughtful, cautious and charismatic President that cares about diplomacy. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!

Catching up

Ha, Sarah's numbers are down and McCain's folks are complaining that she 'goes rogue' on them.  I stand by my back door presidency comments, especially when one considers Todd Palin's unquestioned access to the governor's office and their previous refusal to address the brother-in-law questions. Why aren't people addressing the need to ensure that Cheney's abuses never happen again? Wtf?  

But politics aside, I'm happy to see that I may be in contact with my 2 favorite guys again, Ethan and Eric.  How funny is that? It's nice to see that you can [ideally] catch up with those that you care about.  

Ethan -- too, too funny on the things we have in common.  One of my friends told me that each significant other teaches us something, each time they cross our path.  Not sure what catching up would mean this time around but it's nice to be in touch again. Eric, I haven't caught up with yet, but I'm hopeful.

Of course, my 2 favorite guys now are my sons, G and Jack. And my husband, even when he drives me nuts is someone I'm grateful for. Guess CA guys aren't all bad.