I'm scared
I'm pretty damn scared. George Yee passed away from liver cancer on Friday morning. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Last time I saw him, he looked tired, but not bad. It didn't look like I'd be attending his wake, but I will be.
Cancer scares me to death. Grace's mom dies from stomach cancer and it's barely a year after her death and death is still touching the Cular-Yee family. It unjust, that death should come all at once. Both George and Joji were young for this day and age: early 60s. I thought both of them were strong and that they would live long. My mom is not in as good as shape as they were, but she's still alive. And it just scares me.
I'm not afraid of death, but the dying. The loss of vitality. I saw that with Mrs. Cular and it was the cruelest thing that I ever had to witness. When you don't even recognize someone that you grew up with -- nothing prepares you for it. Even though it was still Mrs. Cular, I was afraid.
Death changes everything. It brutally reminds us that our bodies are just husks. And wakes, I wish more people chose closed coffins. If you're lucky, the mortician did a decent job with makeup, but I've seen bad make-up jobs (maybe the mortician had no choice, trying to cover the blue) but still...your eyes play tricks on you when you blink and you wonder if you saw the chest rise. And you know you're wrong, but....The thought remains.
I didn't even speak with George when I saw him last, other than a quick hello. Because you think you have all the time in the world. And now I'll say goodbye at his wake. And I don't even kow what to tell Grace. Death has visited again and it's not like I'm going to tell her that things get better. I don't know that she or Roger will look forward to the holidays again. Because, you always remember. Even as you celebrate the holiday, you remember.
Cancer scares me to death. Grace's mom dies from stomach cancer and it's barely a year after her death and death is still touching the Cular-Yee family. It unjust, that death should come all at once. Both George and Joji were young for this day and age: early 60s. I thought both of them were strong and that they would live long. My mom is not in as good as shape as they were, but she's still alive. And it just scares me.
I'm not afraid of death, but the dying. The loss of vitality. I saw that with Mrs. Cular and it was the cruelest thing that I ever had to witness. When you don't even recognize someone that you grew up with -- nothing prepares you for it. Even though it was still Mrs. Cular, I was afraid.
Death changes everything. It brutally reminds us that our bodies are just husks. And wakes, I wish more people chose closed coffins. If you're lucky, the mortician did a decent job with makeup, but I've seen bad make-up jobs (maybe the mortician had no choice, trying to cover the blue) but still...your eyes play tricks on you when you blink and you wonder if you saw the chest rise. And you know you're wrong, but....The thought remains.
I didn't even speak with George when I saw him last, other than a quick hello. Because you think you have all the time in the world. And now I'll say goodbye at his wake. And I don't even kow what to tell Grace. Death has visited again and it's not like I'm going to tell her that things get better. I don't know that she or Roger will look forward to the holidays again. Because, you always remember. Even as you celebrate the holiday, you remember.
posted by Michelle at 7:56 PM
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