confession
The things that have bothered me recently, my failures that I haven't come to terms with:
1) Nicki W - I wish things could have worked out like a TV special. I wish that your mom had never sought to remarry. I wish that your stepdad had been someone different. I wish that you had called me back, when you asked to live with us. It's one of the few times that my parents were supportive. We could have made it work. I wish that I'd had your number. I don't even know how long it was before I found out. Dead at 14 isn't the way to go. I do want to believe in reincarnation. I want to believe that you went on to have a much better, much happier life. The last time I saw your sister was at a neighborhood funeral. The folks I know don't seem to want to remember you. I remember you and I wish things had worked out differently.
2) Bia - Your secret was too great for me. And I still can't believe that no one else knew. No one else wanted to see. I knew you weren't clumsy. Your dad was a doctor. Doctors are supposed to help people. Another time that I wanted a TV special ending. Guess the nuns were too busy obsessing over teenage pregnancy and LaReine's academic performance instead of paying attention. Your secret taught me my limitations. I want to save everyone, help everyone, but I couldn't and can't. I did tell Sister Jean, when I knew I was leaving LaReine. Someone had to look out for you. But I told her the same thing you told me -- that if we interfered, your life would be worse. I pray you survived. I pray you made it. And I wish I could know that everything turned out ok.
Sometimes things seem so overwhelming. And then I know I have to take a deep breath and step back. A lot of times I wish I had a different life. I wish I'd had more fun -- it feels like I never got much of a childhood. But it's all in the comparison. I still had food on the table and a roof over my head. I wasn't cyberbullied. I wasn't forced to fight a war -- it blows my mind that a 13-year-old Sudanese boy can be a seasoned warrior. And that's beyond sad. Loss of innocence is such a crime, no matter the circumstance. But my ultimate confession: I'll always wish I did more. It's too frustrating, when you don't do enough.
1) Nicki W - I wish things could have worked out like a TV special. I wish that your mom had never sought to remarry. I wish that your stepdad had been someone different. I wish that you had called me back, when you asked to live with us. It's one of the few times that my parents were supportive. We could have made it work. I wish that I'd had your number. I don't even know how long it was before I found out. Dead at 14 isn't the way to go. I do want to believe in reincarnation. I want to believe that you went on to have a much better, much happier life. The last time I saw your sister was at a neighborhood funeral. The folks I know don't seem to want to remember you. I remember you and I wish things had worked out differently.
2) Bia - Your secret was too great for me. And I still can't believe that no one else knew. No one else wanted to see. I knew you weren't clumsy. Your dad was a doctor. Doctors are supposed to help people. Another time that I wanted a TV special ending. Guess the nuns were too busy obsessing over teenage pregnancy and LaReine's academic performance instead of paying attention. Your secret taught me my limitations. I want to save everyone, help everyone, but I couldn't and can't. I did tell Sister Jean, when I knew I was leaving LaReine. Someone had to look out for you. But I told her the same thing you told me -- that if we interfered, your life would be worse. I pray you survived. I pray you made it. And I wish I could know that everything turned out ok.
Sometimes things seem so overwhelming. And then I know I have to take a deep breath and step back. A lot of times I wish I had a different life. I wish I'd had more fun -- it feels like I never got much of a childhood. But it's all in the comparison. I still had food on the table and a roof over my head. I wasn't cyberbullied. I wasn't forced to fight a war -- it blows my mind that a 13-year-old Sudanese boy can be a seasoned warrior. And that's beyond sad. Loss of innocence is such a crime, no matter the circumstance. But my ultimate confession: I'll always wish I did more. It's too frustrating, when you don't do enough.
posted by Michelle at 7:05 PM
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