MD, florists and house spiders

I've been driving to MD and back after work the past two days and I'm happy for a break (tomorrow). Back is tense, head pounding. Thankfully, baby Jack's movements in my belly help keep me from being in a completely foul, 'I hate everyone,' mood. My mom's hysterectomy has made life interesting.

El and I had to drive all the way to LaPlata Hospital yesterday. This week is the first time I've seen my mom frail. She insisted that El and I not take the time to visit, but we knew that she didn't mean it and it's not like hospitals are fun. There she was in her hospital bed, tired, barely talking. But it was also one of the few times that I've seen her smile. A small, tired smile but a smile all the same.

Normally when my mom smiles, it's a nervous smile. You can see half the time she's thinking of other things. Does she look nice enough, has she cooked enough food, why aren't people eating more than their 2nd helping, etc. El fussed over mom while I kept up the chatter. It was strange to see her so tired but nice to see the smile.

One day later, mom is back to being invincible. Ignoring the doc's directions, she is NOT resting and is cooking food: eggplant and beef jerky. Apparently, her cooking judgement is not what it should be (yes I LOVE eggplant and beef jerky!). Life happens. I brought food anyway from an Italian restaurant. My dad will be happy eating the remaining pasta and baklava.

And Marie (Christopher's in Hayfield) hooked me up with a spectacular arrangement, as always. Men can come and go, but always be good to your hair stylist and florist. Hair stylist, self explanatory. So much can depend on your florist, though, since your florist is essentially your voice, when you're not present. Marie always takes care of me personally (it's been over 10 years) and her generosity and thoughtfulness always show. I think A tires of my desire to cultivate relationships, since I do like repeating but if you find a gold standard, why discard it?

Home now and haven't done much. Strange goings on, generally. News featured a traveller with TB who hit Prague, Rome and Montreal before returning to Atlanta. That traveller must know he wasn't well. And TB is pretty severe. Maybe he knew? And my parents' neighbor (50-years old, I think) has been hospitalized over a spider bite that hasn't healed. Gives you new respect for the house spider.

Fallingwater, the proposal and PA fine dining

A and I finally made it to Fallingwater. We've only talked about it for a year and this Memorial Day weekend, we finally saw it -- one of Wright's greater achievements on the East Coast. Having read The Fountainhead, it drove home what I'd read and I both envied and pitied Wright's clients. The house and servants' quarters were magnificent and dramatically different from the warm intimacy of Kentuck Knob. I'm embarrassed to say that between the two homes: FallingWater over the falls and Kentuck Knob carved into the hillside, I much preferred the smaller home.

Maybe I'm too provincial. Fallingwater is a modern palace after all, a tribute to nature and water but I far preferred the hillside vistas of Kentuck Knob. Funnily enough, Kentuck Knob photographs poorly, I really expected it to be ugly in comparison to Fallingwater. But, while there were many things to love in Fallingwater, the red cypress tones of Wright's smaller house and its grounds were certainly more inviting.

So, this Memorial Day weekend, A proposed. I did wonder if it would happen this weekend, but I didn't know for sure. And of course, I had to run to the bathroom as he was beginning to lead into it (the joys of pregnancy). He says he was nervous but he seemed fine until he got down on his knee. And of course, I was happy. I wish I could have taped what he said since some of it is a blur now. He was incredibly sweet and thoughtful and I've never seen him as flustered as he was in that moment. I remember him saying how he felt like a lesser man without me and I remember us laughing and hugging and his asking my assurance that I said yes.

That was the proposal I've always wanted. It was nice, low key, just the two of us. We had just finished a nice picnic at Ohio-Pyle park (around the corner from Kentuck Knob): chicken salad sandwiches, green apples and overly sweet brownies from the Summit Inn. The sun was blazing hot but the wind was soothing. And I just remember feeling calm....no hesitation like I felt with Porter, no scary crying like that moment with the ex and no 'I wish you hadn't said that' dread like with KS guy (if I could've stuffed those words back in his mouth). A's words were just right. And I should mention that the ring is elegant.

Probably my only frustration about this weekend was the restaurants -- the ones that A picked were good but there's a definite break between fine dining standards in DC (finally!) and PA. Caleigh's in Uniontown was good but our selected desserts were blah and the cappuccino tasted like Crayolas in water. I held out hope that Chez Girard's in Hopwood would be superior since it is a French restaurant but my experience was worse (A will happily protest that his meal was fabulous). The escargot was saltier than I've had and I had to send back the prime rib since it was medium well (and stringy) after I requested medium rare. The kicker was receiving Pampered Chef flyers with the bill. Nice, tacky touch. So I feel like A and I won't have properly celebrated our engagement without hitting Eve's since they do tend to every detail.

I admit, I don't quite know what to do with myself tonight. The condo seems quiet without G and only half my friends know the news though it seems late to call now. The wedding, I don't want to think about too much. Nice, simple, low key. And life with A...and Jack. I'm excited. Nervous about the balancing act between A and G (and Jack), but I'm excited. I think I'll be calling Susy a lot. And El. Life! And A says he wants one more.

This weekend and the nest egg that wasn't

Friday night with A was perfect. I was on a high, following work since I'd received an award for my SE&I work (and I thought tech writers wouldn't be recognized on this contract) and we had tickets to the Lang Lang concert at the Kennedy Center. The weather was shoddy (rainy 50's) but the concert made it seem like the most beautiful night.

Lang Lang has matured since the 3 years I last saw him. Then, he favored white suits and his style, while impressive was a touch on the Vegas side. Now, he has a Paul Young hairdo and his suits are more evocative of Chinese culture. But his playing is still so forcefully passionate, I couldn't help laughing with pleasure to feel each chord as he played it. He remains an incredible experience. And Lang Lang was playing Tchaikovsky (one of my favorite composers). A seemed impressed by him and I was so pleased to introduce him to something for a change (since A tends to be the discoverer between us).

Dinner was at TenPenh and I have to say, my feelings towards TenPenh are mixed. Any restaurant that mars a New Year's dinner isn't ready for prime time, in my book. That's like the Super Bowl for restaurants and sadly, our party was jostled by busy waiters (c'mon!) and my shrimp had not been deveined. But, with an apology from someone within TenPenh and a gift certificate, we tried again and this time was much better: seared tuna that was respectable and an inventive creme brulee (a mild mint flavor mixed in with the vanilla bean) and great, great curry, I was happier than I thought I'd be, eating there again.

What made the weekend for me though was during the night. Normally, it's my side, your side sleeping arrangements. People have to sleep after all. But whatever sentiment possessed A, he held me all night, a surprise in the year and half we've been together. And while I was half asleep, he told me how much he loved me. That memory is a keeper.

Saturday was also nice. Reston Arts Festival was interesting enough. An x-rayography artist caught my eye and wouldn't you know it, he was from CA. Thank God he wasn't from Pasadena or I'm sure I would've heard about him for awhile.

What was weird though was when we returned to A's condo and were getting ready to head back out. A dove had been building nests on A's car and A would get rid of the nest but she would keep returning. Sadly, she laid an egg on A's hood, right next to the windshield. So you can't drive with an egg on your car and A and I dithered about what to do. I worried that the mother wouldn't touch the egg after we moved it. A suggested holding the egg in toilet paper, since I didn't want us to leave our scent on the egg.

He asked me to hold the egg and place the egg elsewhere and asking a pregnant woman to do so (and I can be fatalistic) may not have been the best idea. I'm thinking, 'What does this mean; what does this mean,' and of course, I cried, because it was probable that the mother wouldn't come back and now life has been interrupted. And sure enough, when we returned, the egg remained alone, abandoned...the nest egg that wasn't. I'm not sure how we could've resolved the situation.

Sunday, we had brunch with Max's boss and wife and my ulcer kicked up, wouldn't you know. But A and I hit the Hirshorn afterwards and the Wolfgang Tillman show was mind opening. Clearly not a fan of religion (and who can blame him), he displayed a memorial for victims of organized religion, where you see your features in black to blue photographic paper. After you view his content room on the treatment of women and homosexuals, it's difficult to argue the point.

My ulcer, I'm overdue for acupuncture or need herbal remedies or yoga...something so the acid doesn't consume the way it does. But A met 'Big Gino' finally, at G's skating lesson, and that was nice. And I was grateful to see G and watch his reactions to us all getting along. I love that kid. He's a clown (unlike me) but he's all heart. A good weekend. Even with my wretched ulcer and the strange nest egg fiasco. And oh yeah, my belly is hanging low, I imagine it'll be scraping the floor by 8 months.

Dorking it up

Realized today that I've been dorking things up:

• Forgot Donna's birthday 4/21 and she's the one that remembers mine [damn]
• Forgot that I promised I'd contribute to Gwen's March of Dimes campaign [again, Gwen's been there for me]
• Jack's such an active baby, I'm envisioning he'll be a hellion that's too much for me to handle so A has to talk me down.

The last isn't so bad [so I tell myself] but if this is me at 5 months, how in the world am I going to survive the next 4? I always wanted to learn to curse in Arabic so my curses could be that much more colorful [which I'm sure increases my dorkiness by 10].

At work, everything is as it should be, I have purpose, I'm good at what I do. But getting up in the morning is a chore. I've been making more Starbucks runs lately. I'm not doing decaf anymore. Outside work, God help me. Please let the next 4 months fly. A knows, I've asked him to carry the next kid. Science should have made advances by then. And a girl can take only so many varicose veins. My mom's mom had13 kids. How in the world? I would ask that my dorkiness be temporary, but who am I kidding? Hopefully, I'll regain some of my former memory/sanity!

Things that I'm Learning (besides I'm a Numbskull)

Note: Roc and G look like cousins and Mattie gets sweeter every year; no bias as godmother!



Things that I'm learning of late:

• G is a terrific ham, as evidenced in our pics from Mattie's 1st communion



• I continue to be an emotional cornball as I was ready to blubber my eyes out, seeing all 96 kids at Mattie's communion, especially the girls, dressed in white dresses with their veils (like brides)



• Ireland is not what it used to be, according to Michael and Jenny, 2 travellers we met in Haute De Cagne -- Dublin has Thai food and Filipinos! and North Africans now comprise a growing majority of the population

On politics, life and religion:

• Blair is not as well liked back home, not only because of the Iraq war but he has been seen as gutting Socialist benefits like free health care and education (UK folks have it better than we do, excluding real estate)



• Real estate in the UK is far worse than here: a flat goes for $800K compared to what I paid for my condo (kids live with their parents longer)



• Italians are not the most charming people in the world, as evidenced by our experiences outside Milan and in Venice (they are 50/50; NYC folk and the French continue to be the nicest -- and there will never be a pass for the cretin who cut in front of me in the bathroom line at McD's)



• Italians are entertaining though: waiters that offered us 'dessert' (frothy cream? with vodka and champagne) regifted our drinks when we turned them down -- did they even wipe my lipstick away from the glass

The Irish, Catholics and the U.K.:

• The Irish (who doesn't like them) continue to rock as Michael and Jenny were the most fun travellers we met on our trip



• Catholic church is not what it used to be: two scandals that I didn't even hear about re: 2 hypocritical bishops that had relations with women (1 with kids)



• U.S.and French relations are so bad, it didn't even occur to me that Chirac didn't bother visiting the U.S., I don't think Bush had comments on Chirac's departure -- I only hope Sarkozy improves relations



• I've been reading that U.S. and U.K. relations will cool due to U.K. resentment over the Iraq war, which will depress me (after 2 years working with U.K., how can you not love the U.K.)

Language, college, directions and pregnancy:

• After being told repeatedly that Tagolog has no structure, Rick Sakamoto has assured me its structure is similar to Germanic languages and Indonesian!



• I'm dismayed by what I hear about colleges -- they seem so unaffordable now and overly competitive



• A and I are better off NOT driving in foreign countries (unless its English speaking) since he loves asking for directions and I emphatically do not (not more than once, maybe twice)



• In Spain, maps are optional when you rent a car (hello? wtf?)



• Pregnancy's not better or worse the 2nd time around, but it is funny trying to shave the legs, with the belly

Restraint:

• My self-restraint isn't what it used to be -- must write shorter blogs!

I'm better than Spider Man!

G gave me the biggest compliment today. I love it. He adores Spider Man, virtually everything he gets from the toy store is Spider Man-related and it was out of the blue, but he told me today that he liked me better than Spider Man. A huge compliment, coming from my kid!

Today was easier than yesterday. Of course, it helped that he was very loving. I love when he's loving. We talked about how he felt when I was in Europe. I thought he'd say sad but he was mad, presumably at being left behind. He still has the panic attacks though. Even if he sees me from across the room, it's not enough and he needs to be in close proximity. I wonder if his dad has been letting him watch scary movies again.

Parents, still clueless but I'm moving on. They think they can handle being objective when my ex calls to tattle on me. My mom missed the whole point that I don't want to be called to task any longer, considering I'm not under their roof. But, I guess it keeps them busy.

Read an article on child rearing and felt somewhat better. As often as G gets sick (seems like every month), he never had childhood allergies that required hospitalization, never required expensive diapers and special hypoallergenic wipes. So, even if he gets pink eye more than I'd like, he's doing all right. Hopefully, the new kid won't require special diapers or wipes either.

My patience still needs work. It's laughable that I'm a mom, I have so little patience. I love kids, just not other people's (ha ha). Whiny kids (need spanking). Tantrum kids (spanking). G gets whiny when he's tired but that's about it. How the hell am I going to handle a new kid when I feel so crabby watching other people's kids? Crazy. Emotionally, I feel more like a crotchety old woman. I could be 80, the way I feel some days (albeit without the need to talk about miscellaneous medical problems...but the day may not be far off!). But it was a good day since G thinks I'm better than Spidey. Very cool.

Brain meeelllt

Ugh. Not a bad day but one of those days where enough happens, you don't completely realize how overwhelming it is until it's too late. G was a major contributor and the ex has his own agenda, interfering with my parents, which isn't helping.

Roller coaster with G today. He is still panicking every time I leave the room. It's infuriating. I go 2 steps where he can't see me and he's screaming my name. This never happened before. I don't know if it's because of Europe, he's really convinced that I'd leave him. It sucks.

I have been showing my temper more, which doesn't help. He told me he's convinced that I hate him when I'm mad. I keep reassuring him, I love you always, I love you forever. It helps, but he's still afraid. And with the baby pending, I have to be careful to refer to G as my 1st born versus saying 'You're the best," all the time, since that won't be fair to the new baby.

And G thought I was pregnant with him first, before my ex and I got married. This pregnancy is confusing him. No, no, I corrected him. Marriage first, then babies. Mommy did it backwards this time.

The up side is that I did entertain G with the stories of when he was born. And I drew similarities between him and his brother. Both pregnancies caught me unawares, so I could honestly tell G that they both hid in my tummy. G was my miracle baby: a surprise after 2 years of trying to conceive with the ex.... I was being wheeled to the operating room for a tonsillectomy when the surgeon stopped the OR prep and insisted that I take a pregnancy test. Who knew? And Jack, well, proof that A never has to worry about his fertility. But G giggled at the 'hiding in my tummy' stories and proclaimed me 'the best mom ever!' That was cool. Wish I had a tape recorder!

The downer: my ex, of course. He's good, he's a jerk, he's always up to something. After spending all day last Saturday with him and G in Baltimore, for Mattie's 1st communion, I warned him that I probably wouldn't make G's skating lesson. I was feeling carsick on the return trip from Towson and the lack of sleep the night before was brutal. Turns out the weasel called my dad to complain about me (not attending skating). Wtf? And my dad, in typical fashion was essentially asking me to explain myself tonight.

I'm working hard to be mature but it's for the birds. In my dreams, I'd have a dad that would stick up for me and never think twice about taking his daughter's side. Instead, I get stuck with Mr. I Need to Bond with Every Other Male (Throw my Daughter Under the Bus). I'm working on sending my dad a nice e-mail (since I'm not sure I can talk calmly) to please leave me out of whatever interactions he has with the ex. I should never have to explain my actions, period. If my dad questions how I'm treating G, tough. You raised your kids (and my therapists thank you immensely), I'll raise mine.

The final kicker is that I'm feeling megafat, this week. 40 lbs less than the 1st pregnancy, but my belly looks like I'm about to deliver. I'm a stone's throw away from wearing a kilt and making like 'Fat Bastard.' But my skin's too thin for the ribbing, so there ya have it.

The truth is, ya just can't win, and I know that, but sometimes...ya know it but you still want it, more than anything. Ya can almost taste it, even as you know it's rarely, if ever going to happen. House of Daggers is one of my favorite films. The antihero asks the heroine what she wants and she answers honestly. She wants the wind to stop and wait for her. It's completely irrational, unreasonable but it's what she wants. And in the end, she's in reach of her goal before circumstances take her down (I desperately want A to watch this movie with me). But I like the movie's romanticism. Bottom line: to roller coasters and romanticism (I guess), even if it makes my brain melt. I will be looking forward to down time with A, though.

Progression with A

This weekend was one of the best that I've had with A. Our time was more limited than usual, due to Mattie's 1st communion on Saturday. Spent the majority of the day with the ex and G in Towson. But A was cool about the weekend interruption and the weekend was relatively low key.

Friday, I dragged A to Spider Man 3. I'll admit, I was apprehensive when I saw the reviews (Chicago Sun Times and Washington Post bashed it). A was worried, too. But he and I happened upon the filming of Spider Man 3 on a NY visit so I thought it'd be cool to see the scene in the film. And I love seeing movies on opening night.

A hated it. He wanted his 2 hours back. But, I had lowered my expectations so I thought it was hoky but ok. Bruce Campbell rocked as always. And Thomas Hayden Church made the movie. But A was pissed that Spider Man cried so much.

Dinner was a Brazilian steak house in Fair Oaks mall. It was cool. Meat on swords, how can you go wrong? They sell these restaurants as a guy's place, but in the vein that everything's phallic, it almost seems emasculating to me, that a man, holding a sword, cuts away slices of meat for people to devour. And as if to prove my point, there was one 'guacho' who rushed over to us and offered some white meat, which we refused since we were still tackling our beef. And the look on his face. I would've expected ambivalence. But the waiter seemed disappointed over the wasted trip.

Overall, it's a decent chain restaurant but with so many dining options in the area, I wouldn't rush back. The filet mignon wasn't cooked the way it should've been. Mine was medium well. A was wondering if his cut was really filet mignon. The other meats were good. But dessert was a mess. The place tries too hard. Key lime pie is simple and doesn't need much else. The cook was a moron and liberally doused the plate with mango puree. The taste clash was brutal. I hate places that can't leave dessert well enough alone.

Saturday evening was the Carlyle fiasco but Atlanta guy gave A a huge compliment. In front of everybody, he noted that A is known for being fun and joking around but given his energy, Atlanta guy said he could see how and why A is successful. I've never, never seen a guy compliment another. It's always, 'Hey, axxhole,' or 'hey, homo.' If they don't kid, they don't love. I wonder if Atlanta guy had been looking for a compliment in return. But I was happy for A. It's so rare to get acknowledgement, much less public acknowledgement of your talents.

And Sunday, my lunch with Judy didn't work out so A and I wound up exploring his preferred area of Alexandria and having a late lunch at Eammon's (my new favorite place). Killer fish and chips and you have to love a place that's so irreverent that the saying on the door says 'Thanks to cod.' A Catholic joke, Thanks [be] to God.

Walking around Old Town was perfect. A did have to stop in and quiz a realtor about his desired location. I'm not sure what to think about the realtor's feedback. He indicated that prices are higher than what they're used to seeing for the particular portion of Alexandria that A likes and it's neither a buyer's or seller's market. Not bad until the realtor mentions that homes are under contract within 4 days. That's not what I anticipated hearing and that's the environment that's the most stressful. That means escalation clauses and little chance of home inspection. I'm praying it was an exaggeration but perhaps it wasn't. We'll just have to wait and see.

Despite the fact that we didn't do anything special or maybe because everything was so low-key, it was one of my favorite weekends with A. Maybe we're finally settling into a routine. I like our progression.

Death Knell of A Date

Funny how an off-color comment can change someone's relationship, in a matter of seconds. We had come from the usual AA meeting and had convened at Carlyle's for the food and banter. It was a larger group than usual, 12 of us (last couple times, it had been 7 of us) but things were lively and Atlanta guy was celebrating his sobriety anniversary. His date, Boston girl seemed nice enough but it was her 1st experience with the group. She seemed a good sport but could she handle the group's honesty?

A did things just right with me. He eased me into the group via coffeehouse meetings at Starbucks, so I felt more accustomed to the banter and I could see clearly that if you're easily offended, this is not the crowd for you. Atlanta guy was at a total disadvantage since his anniversary fell right after he and Boston girl had started dating (barely a month, I believe). I think she expected that they would attend the meeting and have a nice, night together, just the 2 of them. She was dressed for going out. He wore a Scorpions shirt with a jacket (very 80s). I'm not sure he warned her about the crowd (no inhibitions).

I, personally, was fascinated to watch Atlanta guy and A ping off each other. A gets along quite well with the others, but he and Atlanta guy, I don't know what it is but it's like watching gunplay with words: who's got the fastest quip. Nothing's off limits. It actually was one of the best nights that I've had, hanging out with the group and I was utterly exhausted, having had little sleep the night before.

Sadly, Atlanta guy crossed a line. He had been talking about Apache helicopters and the low dives they have to take to avoid becoming targets. Next thing you know, he glances at Boston girl and out pop the words, 'Like I do with you.' Hardly subtle, sexual innuendo. And Atlanta guy had been at it the majority of the night but Boston girl didn't enjoy the cross fire. Several folks said she winced. I didn't see but the conversation didn't improve.

Next comment came from John. He laughed and said something to the effect that neither A nor Atlanta guy would enjoy female company long, at the rate they were headed. The table erupted and I high-fived John. It wasn't true for A and me, I've known him long enough. But Boston girl was quiet. My memory's fuzzy now and I think she ducked out to the women's room. John persisted. Something to the effect of 'I don't think she was ready to meet us.'

And I told Atlanta guy the truth. If she can't handle the fire, better you learn now, than later. But I wanted the night to be perfect for him. Nothing worse than a misunderstanding marring your special occasion. And I like Boston girl, She's a journalist, like him. She's smart, inquisitive...I think she's pretty damn cool.

I thought about selling Atlanta guy to Boston girl but I don't know either of them well enough and they're both adults. We talked instead about Marc Chagall, Georgia O'Keefe, anything I could do to assure her that things weren't always so, low-brow. And I want to believe that she recovered.

There was some awkwardness as we flagged the waitress down for the check. Virtually the entire table left for a smoke break, leaving A, Atlanta guy, Boston girl and me. Atlanta guy looked miserable and practically begged for a smoke break. A agreed and Boston girl demurred, insisting that I couldn't be left alone at the table. I told her it was no problem, no big deal but out came her credit card and we both waited for the check together.

If I'd known her better, maybe we would have commiserated over how stupid guys can be. But I didn't want to highlight Atlanta guy's gaffe and John's unfortunate observation. I told her it was nice to meet her, which was true and prayed that they'd work it out and we'd see her again.

A told me not to feel sorry for Atlanta guy, that he has no problem finding women. But, I'm bleeding heart (always have been) and I hate to see his special day end on a low note. Everyone talked about her reactions afterwards. The majority think that he blew it but I want to believe that he pulled out the stops and it all worked out. It will be interesting to see exactly how much impact that comment had. Here's to short memories and 2nd chances.

Shonda Rhimes

I love Shonda Rhimes. Grey's Anatomy is brilliant; her spin-off looks brilliant. The writing makes Grey's a therapeutic show to watch. She writes lines that no one thought of writing before, not even on HBO. She has called out women's dilemmas in amusing situations: you're either the bitch or the woman that plays by the rules and either way, it's still hard to win. All these years, and the dilemma remains the same.

With the DC references that have been apparent in Grey's, I have the guilty hope she's from DC. Nonetheless, her writing is fabulous. Career-wise, I've gotten everything I wanted. If I could, I would love to work with Shonda Rimes.

Now I get it - May 3

I was wondering why the ulcer was acting up and apparently, my body has a better memory than I do. I actually forgot today was the day I got married. How funny that I forgot so quickly. I'm happy though. I saw Judith today to discuss the crazy life changes and to verify if I'm being fair or not in my expectations.

It surprises me when people don't like counseling because, I guess I don't understand why people wouldn't want a sanity check. Of course, that's the one thing my ex got right. He suggested counseling prior to our marriage and in ignorant fashion, I told him I wouldn't marry him if we needed counseling before we walked down the aisle (stupid, stupid, so very stupid). But I assumed I knew the whole story, what could go wrong. You know someone after dating 2 years, right? Lesson learned.

Maybe that's what scares me now. People change when marriage rears its head. Porter freaked (2 years of dating) after his half-baked proposal. The ex didn't but changed dramatically, following the marriage (perhaps because I was officially his property). And I had my KS friend proposing marriage to me except for the minor detail that he was already married (probably the worst proposal -on principle-though he was very earnest).

The ex has been surprisingly decent lately. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and it may have started to. He has been pestering me to meet A and since it hasn't happened, I wonder if this could be the latest offense to his pride. Everything he does has to happen right away because God knows, he's important.

Whenever the ex takes his passage to the next realm, the church will be packed to the rafters for him. I can honestly say, even though he was the worst bastard to live with, that he takes care of people (assuming they don't marry him). He listens to people, he's always there to help with a favor. It's what I admired about him...that he was someone who was dependable, stable. I don't think he's ever turned down a friend.

God Bless Judith for pointing me to Martha Stout's Sociopath Next Door:

The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout (Paperback - Mar 14, 2006)
Buy new: $14.95 $10.17 75 Used & new from $7.60
Get it by Monday, May 7, if you order in the next 22 hours and 23 minutes.
Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping.

That book revealed the helpful sociopath and the transcripts from our counseling sessions reveal my ex for what he is. A has mentioned that I seem willing to forgive my ex. That's not really correct. I'll never forgive my ex for a number of things (trying to run me down in my Volvo, working to push me down the stairs). But, there's no point being bitter. G's named after him and he needs to believe that his dad is a good man. And assuming he's not cornered, the ex will go out of his way for most anyone.

My main concerns are G and Jack (and A, pending his willingness). And from there, everything else will fall as it may. But it's laughable that I forgot May 3. May my body's memory focus on more important things, in future.

From New Zealand, a brave dog

How can you not love someone named George:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18440403?GT1=9951 .

Work2

You know it's not going to be your day when:

1. The people that install your new computer (to replace the hunk of junk that had a monitor as big as a 24" TV) manage to tangle your mouse around the new CPU (winning)
2. The colorful character that you count on for levity is MIA (no John to be found)
3. You have to break out the salt and pepper shakers for eating crow, when you make the wrong call to the client, saying things are looking up... after documentation folks tell you the package that you've been waiting for has arrived, and it's the wrong one
4. 1 of 2 project leads that you support breezily walks into your office and announces that the day you had to review a 101-pg brief has been reduced to this evening.

On the up side:

1. One of the system engineers volunteered to crawl under my desk to fix my mouse (thank you, Rick)
2. The correct package was delivered today so even though I did eat crow, damage was minimal
3. I love my new computer; it's not the mini-command center at AT&T (dual monitors, one as big as A's - since size matters) but it's still an improvement
4. Rick stayed late with me, which was nice since I'm rarely fond of locking up
5. Even if working late isn't great, I now have 3 hours of comp time to cover appts.

Notes:

I do need to ask Silas for a get-out-of-work note come September. I don't want to have to worry about working late, that late in the pregnancy. And given my track record (16 hours a day during proposal time when I carried G, driving from Columbia, MD), I'm better off at home than work.

And the ulcer. It's been worse lately. I haven' t had time for reiki or acupuncture. Meds only go so far. It's hard work, relaxing! Sonogram in 2 weeks (5/16). Hopefully, everything will check out as it should. Had a weird thought today that it could be a girl, but I'd be surprised if Silas was wrong.

Go, El, go ;)

Little sis is now a VP. And to think we worried about you.

From press release:

Gal Borenstein, Founder and CEO of The Borenstein Group stated: “Over the past two years, Eloise has demonstrated her unique and consistent track record of managing people and strategic outreach programs in the most complex and challenging environments without compromising excellent customer satisfaction. Her passionate work ethic and infectious enthusiasm has contributed to our clients’ success and inspires our agency to continue our growth.” Lepesqueur will be responsible for continuing the agency’s organic expansion of the government communications practice, which will now expand to service not-for-profits organizations with programmatic branding, outreach, and strategic marketing solutions.